Why Mad Mommy

I have other blogs...well technically I have other blogs with much more fun names, but I can't recall the passwords. To be honest I didn't even remember this one, but here it is, so I will use it. Mad Mommy was named that because at the time I felt a little crazy, dealing with the girls and teaching. Now, it's even more true, except there is another small human in the mix and I am not teaching. Moving was a good thing, don't get me wrong. I love our house, we have nice neighbors (even if they give me the number to Supernanny), and there are flowers everywhere. California is laid back and I'm sure interesting, except we never go anywhere. We can't go anywhere because neither of the cars can hold all of us now, but oh well. And I guess that makes me a little crazy. The girls are older...13 and 12. I don't remember being mean and hateful to my mother, but if I ever was I am so sorry. It seems like the oldest tries to be hurtful on a daily basis. I am a HORRIBLE mother because all I ever do is clean the house, cook food and take care of the baby, who is the most STUPID baby EVER and because I won't play the Wii with her. Oh and I won't take her to the grocery store to buy a soda or let her pay to take us out to dinner (apparently I am a HORRIBLE cook since she asks to eat out EVERY night). I wouldn't let her buy a swimsuit that was two sizes too big and would have fallen off when it was wet-EVIL. I offered to pay the difference in the cost of a swimsuit that fit, but wouldn't just give her the money-TERRIBLE. I told her I would give her 20.00 to make up for the 20.00 she lost in the dressing room trying on the swimsuits so she could get something but not a toy-HORRIBLE. I won't take her to the pool in her swimsuit from last year that's way too small and falls down in the front and rides up in the back-AWFUL. I want her to shower every night because she has P.E. everyday and well, frankly she smells-LAME. I make fish sticks and salad for dinner-GROSS. I make meatloaf for dinner-BARF. I tell her to eat a piece of fruit-DUMB. I know that teenagers are hard to deal with, but her attitude makes it very hard to like her. My heart aches for her. I want her to be respectful and smart, but I get hate and failing grades. I want her to have friends and be healthy, but I get daily chronicles of how much all the people at school hate her and food being turned down because it's remotely good for her. I think she would live on processed chicken patties and cake if she could. I want her to do simple chores (sweep, put laundry in the dryer, rinse the dishes etc.) and some days I get a cheerful helper, but most days I get eye rolls and sighs and no help. I am so jealous of the relationship that other mothers have with their daughters that I feel embarrassed for myself. I wanted to be the mom who kept a perfect house, made delicious food, volunteered at school and was really cool. I wanted to sew cute little dresses and make quilts with them, teach them to make dolls and to cook...but I can't.
This post has veered off course I think...I need to talk to someone. More later.