The Present:
I have driven all over California. At least that is the way it feels today. In a surprise turn the middle was released from the hospital yesterday. After an avalanche of phone calls between the insurance company, me, the hospital, a potential care center, my mom and dad, an an agency that provides counseling services and the school district office, the oldest, the youngest and I headed to three hours to pick her up. She assaulted a staff member day before yesterday, had been put in isolation for so behaviours that quite frankly make me angry, has had several melt downs and is refusing to eat, but hey, she's okay to come home. I am just destroyed by all of this. I know that the stress is hurting me in every way possible. I just don't want to talk to anyone anymore. I am really not sure I want to deal with her right now. I feel like I am faking every emotion except anger right now. I am a big crying mess. We had been in the car for less than twenty minutes on the way back before she was back to acting the way she was before she went to the hospital. She asked a random stranger at the gas station we stopped at for a cigarette. I can't trust her to be in a room by herself. Did I mention I have two other kids to care for too...hello. The youngest told her that she can't hurt herself anymore, it hurts his heart. My words out of the mouth of a three year old. At that point I just cried because that's all I can do.
The Past:
I can't write about it today. I am grieving the little girl that was there too much.
The Future:
Errands, housecleaning...faking it.
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